As I work on shadow work, I found a program called MOODgym. In it, it talks about how what you think is what you feel. Now that got me thinking a lot about how my expectations of situations have influenced how I feel about the outcome etc. Now how does this relate to my religion/spirituality you may be wondering. Well in more ways than I originally thought.
First I will go the obvious route and talk about my RPD. Back when I first joined the House, the Netjer I worked with were a bit different then who I was divined. Does that mean I can’t and don’t still offer to them? No, I do but my mindset was not suited for it yet. At the time I worked with Set, and Hethert and Djehuty, and tried Heru-wer , Wesir and Bast for a time. However, through it all I was convinced I would be divined daughter of Set, and honestly if I had, had my RPD done at the time and got Yinepu I would have been confused and disappointed. I may have even left the house. I did not have the open mindedness I needed to have the RPD done.
As time went by I eventually slowed down in my workings with Set, and I settled into working regularly (or semi regularly anyway) with Wepwawet, Djehuty, Sekhmet and Hethert. This went on for about a year before I got my RPD done, and Honestly I feel that it was Yinepu I was working with the whole time anyway, content to be called Wepwawet until I learned otherwise. Once I quit being bull headed and actually listen I found where I was supposed to be all along anyway, and it couldn’t feel more right.
That brings me to my next pondering a on expectations, communication with the God’s or in my case the Netjeru. I have a partial “Godphone”, that I have developed and worked on over the years and one thing I have found is sometimes, no matter how hard I try what I want/expect to hear sometimes over rules the true message. Like in the above case, I was so dead set on one way I was missing all the signs I belonged elsewhere.
As I work through MOODgym, and become more and more aware of how my Expectations actually effect my religion and my interactions with the Neteru the more I will try and do my best to not let it affect it so much.