The importance of self care

I have been pretty quiet here lately, mostly due to the semester taking a hunk out of me, but also from lack of topics. I feel despite practicing for a while now, I don’t know what to say, or feel it’s already been said many many times already. However, today in a rare moment of taking care of my self, I got the impression maybe the Netjer wanted me to post about this today, and even if it wasn’t them I figured it wouldn’t Hurt. 

Yesterday, was not a super great start to 2017 already. I felt very alone, and a little embarrassed of myself. My depression and anxiety had a firm hold on me and I began to wonder a little about “was it really worth it?” Life, religion, happiness, Etc it wasn’t very pretty. While I continued my day trying to have fun and break out of the funk, it just felt a little hollow. 

When I woke up this morning I realized my husband had let me sleep in (despite him thinking I had to work today, though they did cancel my shift). The extra sleep had felt nice and I woke up still a little groggy from it. Sitting there I was struck with the idea to get in the shower, and decided it wasn’t a bad idea, i hadn’t in a few days, again due to the depression. 

What I had intended to be a quick shower turned into a mini spa like event. I showered with a new and good smelling body wash, shaved and used a luxurious lotion my mom gave me for Christmas, and did all the “normal” hygeine things like wash my face, and hair, brush my hair instead of putting fit in a bun etc, that I sometimes just don’t have the…proper mindset to do (again the what does it matter problem). However today it just seemed like I do it everyday it came very easy and I enjoyed it. For once in what seemed like months (and probably was) I was taking time to pamper myself and make sure I was taken care of. I even remembered to take my vitamins. Which may sound silly but it was a small victory for me. 

In the end it reminded me that when I am busy and it doesn’t seem like it will make a difference it will. I feel so much better today. Happier and more accomplished. Does this mean I will get better at remembering? No it means I will try better, and I thank the Netjer for the reminder, that sometimes small victories can make a day better. 

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“Knowing” They’re There

Em Hotep,

The strangest thing I am coming to find, as time goes on since my RPD,  is when I feel them around has changed…drastically. Before I would feel them around more during Senut, ritual, offerings etc. the most. Well…to be fair that was only when I felt them, or rather when I noticed. Maybe I missed a lot too, it’s entirley possible. This led to the beleif and obsession that for me, that must be what I had to do, and was the “only” way for me to do it. Which did not work very well, and led to me being very guilty and stressed…a lot. 

Now post RPD is the strangest thing for me. One of my New Years goals was to do Senut at least 1 week, if not 4 times (before school and watch the sunrise something I had enjoyed before school started). Now while that is still a goal, it is kind of a hard one as I transition back to school. However, even before school started I noticed that whether I feel them there or not…Some part of me “knows” in a way I never had before. Even in some of my darkest hours theirs a part of me that “knows” even when I have doubts and wonder (which is healthy to do from time to time). I still have this “knowing” that is so strange to me now. 

Religion has somehow without me noticing become a part of my life. Rather then being something new its,just an everyday fact.  It permeates my life in a way I never thought it would.  I used to read about how people got to a point in their life where it’s part of the and used to think that was impossible for me yet her I am….Its nice. 

Senebty 

Udjariyinepu 

Learning to go with the flow

Em Hotep!

One of my goals for the new year was to perform Senut more often than just once a month or once every other month. The way I was able to start accomplishing this was in large due to my Husband. While he doesn’t really understand my beleifs all of my celebrations, Especially Wep Ronpet were due to him. Normally I get up for work/College about 540-6 AM. It usually gives me time to make coffee and potty my dog, then after work I usually walk him. Well with the way this summer has been its been too hot for both of us to walk midday, so I needed an alternative, and I needed to make time for Senut.

My husband however, has always been an early riser, having grown up on a farm. For his current job he gets up at 3-330 Am, and he’s always encouraging me to get up with him so we can visit in the morning. For a while I did and then when he left I would go back to sleep. One day it hit me, if I stayed up I could walk my dog in the morning, get cleaned up, and have the time and privacy to do Senut. 

So, a few days leading up to the New Year I was able to get up, and have time for Senut. It was very nice for a change, and then shortly after Senut I was able to watch the sunrise out the window of our spare bedroom turned office. This continued forming a lovely routine that left me in a better mood the rest of the day. Before I was always rushing and trying to find a time later in the day only to run out of time. It also left me oddly optimistic to be able to watch the sunrise over the mountain shortly after spending time with the Netjeru. 

All was well, until this Sunday when we picked up a puppy for my father in-law. We were going to watch him until Thursday when me and my sister went down to visit him and out parents. He threw a wrench in the routine of everyone in the apartment. Despite my dog being 2 1/2, I had forgotten how disruptive a puppy can truly be. 

At first it didn’t really bother me, I missed my sleep more than anything, but as time went by, I started to feel discouraged. Here I was doing so well, and it was doing me so good, and now…Nothing. A bunch of what ifs ran through my mind..What if I never got back to it and fell out of Senut all together?. It was starting to become something more harmful then good for me then I remember something I said to my mom about watching the sunrise. 

“It’s so great, watching a new day dawn, everything seems possible like you’ve been given a second chance.”

There will always be another day to start again. Just because I couldn’t due to the puppy doesn’t mean he will always be here. He will be at his permanent home tomorrow and I have a temporary senut shrine set up if I so choose while down there, and then when I get home, I can start my routine again. Just cause it wasn’t possible doesn’t mean it always will be. I need to learn not to be so hard on myself and to go with the flow of life.

Senebty,

Udjariyinepu