The strangest thing I am coming to find, as time goes on since my RPD, is when I feel them around has changed…drastically. Before I would feel them around more during Senut, ritual, offerings etc. the most. Well…to be fair that was only when I felt them, or rather when I noticed. Maybe I missed a lot too, it’s entirley possible. This led to the beleif and obsession that for me, that must be what I had to do, and was the “only” way for me to do it. Which did not work very well, and led to me being very guilty and stressed…a lot.
Now post RPD is the strangest thing for me. One of my New Years goals was to do Senut at least 1 week, if not 4 times (before school and watch the sunrise something I had enjoyed before school started). Now while that is still a goal, it is kind of a hard one as I transition back to school. However, even before school started I noticed that whether I feel them there or not…Some part of me “knows” in a way I never had before. Even in some of my darkest hours theirs a part of me that “knows” even when I have doubts and wonder (which is healthy to do from time to time). I still have this “knowing” that is so strange to me now.
Religion has somehow without me noticing become a part of my life. Rather then being something new its,just an everyday fact. It permeates my life in a way I never thought it would. I used to read about how people got to a point in their life where it’s part of the and used to think that was impossible for me yet her I am….Its nice.